so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I met the friendliest cop last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
