Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize