So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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