There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
