guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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