just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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