i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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