Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize