apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have tasted many bathrooms
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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