My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
