She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
