she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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