Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
