I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
