If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
