Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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