Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
