remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
