I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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