he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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