..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
