my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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