Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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