So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish there were birth control emojis
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
