i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
