I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
