Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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