I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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