Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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