too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
