I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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