shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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