I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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