We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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