I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
