Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
