naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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