Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
