I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize