I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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