is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
