btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
