My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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