We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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