I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The ass gains better be worth it
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