I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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