did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
