fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
