Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
