You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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