Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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