I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
