Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
