just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
